The #1 Myth Undermining Young Adults Everywhere Today
By Jack Vaughan
All across America today, millions of 20-somethings are waking up and fighting feelings of being "behind," constantly measuring themselves against milestones that made sense in 1975 but bear little resemblance to reality today.
The truth is they've been sold a lie about young adulthood—that your twenties should be the best years of your life, filled with adventure, opportunity, and carefree joy. This myth shows up everywhere: in songs romanticizing youth, in films celebrating 20-something spontaneity, in advertisements targeting young consumers, in social media posts carefully curated to project success and happiness.
But what if this narrative isn't just wrong—what if it's actively harmful?
For 25 years, developmental clinical psychologist Dr. Meg Jay has specialized in working with 20-somethings at the University of Virginia. What she's discovered challenges everything our culture tells us about young adulthood. Her research and clinical experience reveal a profound truth: the 20s are often the most uncertain, unstable, and mentally challenging decade of adult life. And contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn't peak in young adulthood—it actually increases with every passing decade.
The Happiness Gap: What the Data Actually Shows
According to the 2024 World Happiness Report, when American adults were asked to rate the extent to which they were living their "best possible life," those over 60 answered most positively, followed by adults aged 45 to 59. People younger than 30 consistently trailed behind.
This isn't an anomaly. A 2022 study of adults in the United States found that happiness and satisfaction increased across every decade of adulthood from the late teens through the 70s and beyond. Every measure of well-being followed the same upward trajectory: close relationships, financial stability, meaning and purpose, and mental health all improved with age.
Yet the myth persists. A 2021 YouGov poll revealed something telling: the group most likely to believe that their 20s would be their best years are 18- and 19-year-olds—people who haven't yet experienced them. Those who have lived through young adulthood know better.
The disconnect between expectation and reality creates a perfect storm of disappointment and self-blame. When 20-somethings inevitably discover that these years are difficult rather than magical, they conclude something must be wrong with them rather than recognizing that the cultural narrative is fundamentally flawed.
The Uncertainty Epidemic
When Jay tells people about her clinical work with 20-somethings, their responses are often dismissive or confused. They wonder what young people—without the challenges of partners or kids or mortgages or aging bodies—could possibly be so unhappy about.
The answer is simple but profound: 20-somethings are the least likely age group to have the things that actually make people happy and healthy. They lack secure homes and established careers. They experience instability in love lives and friendships. What they do have is more than their share of firsts and worsts: first real jobs with demanding bosses, first serious relationships and devastating breakups, difficult roommates, precarious living situations.
The landscape of young adulthood has fundamentally shifted over the past three decades. Adult sources of stability that previous generations achieved in their 20s are now more likely to be realized in one's 30s, or later. Today's young workers will have, on average, nine different jobs by age 37. Only about 40 percent of American adults under 30 find their work fulfilling or enjoyable, while almost a quarter describe it as overwhelming. These figures improve significantly with age, but 20-somethings must navigate years of professional instability before reaching that point.
According to the Pew Research Center, the current generation of young adults is better educated and better paid than their late-20th-century counterparts. Yet as of 2024, fewer than half of 25-to-29-year-olds were completely financially independent, and only two-thirds of people in their early 30s had achieved financial autonomy—at least in part because of student debt that shadows their earning years.
The Loneliest Years
Contrary to what carefully curated Instagram posts might suggest, young adulthood can be the loneliest time of life. Twenty-somethings are the demographic group most likely to move in any given year—often following employment opportunities or searching for better ones—leaving friends and support systems scattered across different cities, states, or countries.
With only half married by age 35, young adults spend much of their life between families: no longer in their childhood home but not yet in the family they'll create on their own. The median age of first-time homebuyers, which was 28 in 1991, has reached an all-time high of 40.
The uncertainty that accompanies not having adult sources of safety—and not knowing if you ever will—takes a profound psychological toll, especially since the brain interprets uncertainty as danger. This lack of certainty exists against a backdrop of relentless comparison. What many 20-somethings do feel sure of is that they're falling far behind peer, parental, and societal expectations when it comes to meeting adult milestones.
The Comparison Trap: 2025 vs. 1975
The persistent comparison between contemporary young adults and their 1975 counterparts does more harm than good. The economic, social, and cultural landscape has transformed so fundamentally that these comparisons are essentially meaningless—yet they continue to shape expectations and fuel feelings of inadequacy.
The norms of 1975 emerged from a specific historical moment characterized by postwar economic expansion, relatively affordable higher education, accessible homeownership, and different expectations around marriage and career. Applying those benchmarks to today's young adults—who face student debt averaging tens of thousands of dollars, housing costs that have far outpaced wage growth, and a fundamentally different labor market—is not just unhelpful, it's actively damaging. Neither is diagnosing entire generations and blaming their phones for their struggles.
A 2024 survey of university presidents found that 86 percent named social media as one of the most important drivers of college mental health concerns. Yet only 33 percent of students themselves identified it as a primary factor. Young adults were far more likely to point to the struggle to balance schoolwork with personal, financial, and familial responsibilities.
Telling young adults that if they'd just put down their phones they'd solve their problems—or that something is fundamentally wrong with them if they're not happy—only compounds their struggles. It adds shame and self-blame to an already overwhelming set of challenges.
The Mental Health Reality
Rates of depression and anxiety among 20-somethings spiked during the early coronavirus pandemic, capturing headlines and sparking concern. But Dr. Jay notes that young adults have long been more likely than older adults to struggle with their mental health—at least since she saw her first client in 1999.
This isn't a generational failing or a technology-induced crisis. It's a developmental reality that our cultural narratives have obscured. The 20s are characterized by:
Chronic instability: Frequent changes in employment, housing, relationships, and social networks create ongoing stress and prevent the establishment of routines and support systems that buffer mental health challenges.
Pressured identity formation: Young adults are simultaneously trying to discover who they are, what they want, and how to achieve it—while being told they should already have these questions answered.
Financial precarity: Student debt, underemployment, high cost of living, and lack of savings create constant background anxiety about basic survival and future security.
Amplified social comparison: Social media amplifies natural tendencies toward social comparison, creating curated highlight reels of peers' lives that distort reality and fuel feelings of inadequacy.
Lack of perspective: Without the life experience to know that difficulties are temporary and circumstances improve, challenges can feel permanent and insurmountable.
The uncertainty inherent in this developmental stage isn't a bug—it's a feature. Young adults are supposed to be exploring, experimenting, and finding their path. But when cultural expectations insist they should have already arrived, this healthy developmental process becomes a source of shame and anxiety.
What Young Adults Actually Need
If you want to help a 20-something, Dr. Jay argues, start with empathy for the uncertainties they wake up to each day. Then show them the data about what's actually ahead.
The same 2022 study that found happiness increases with each decade of life also revealed something crucial: it included data from Generation X, now in their 40s, 50s, and 60s—the earliest generation said to have "delayed" adult milestones. These individuals didn't have work and love sorted out in their 20s, yet they went on to build satisfying lives characterized by increasing well-being with age.
Young adults may no longer achieve traditional milestones on traditional timelines, but they can use their early adult years to build the kinds of skills and relationships they will still feel good about as they age. This is what we ought to be telling them.
They're not delayed. They're not damaged. They're not doomed. They're digging in and the journey takes time.
Reframing the Twenties: From Crisis to Foundation
This reframing matters profoundly. Research shows that young adults who have hope for the future are significantly less likely to feel anxious and depressed. They're more likely to maintain healthy behaviors like eating well and exercising regularly. They're more likely to set meaningful goals and work consistently toward them.
If you don't believe the hype that these are supposed to be the best years of your life, you won't panic when they're not. You won't interpret normal developmental challenges as personal failures. You won't waste energy on shame and self-blame that could be directed toward building the life you want.
A Major Reframe
Dr. Jay's work represents a significant reframing of young adulthood—one that trades harmful myths for empowering truths. The 20s aren't the best years of your life, and they're not supposed to be. They're the building years, the learning years, the foundation years.
This developmental stage involves uncertainty, instability, and struggle not because something is wrong with today's young adults, but because that's the nature of this life phase—particularly given current economic and social realities. The goal isn't to have it all figured out by 30. The goal is to use these years to develop the capabilities, relationships, and self-knowledge that will serve you for decades to come.
For young adults drowning in comparison and self-doubt, your struggles aren't evidence of failure—they're evidence that you're engaged in the difficult work of building an adult life. The fact that your 20s are hard doesn't mean your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond will be. The data shows they'll almost certainly be better.
For parents watching their 20-something children navigate uncertainty and setbacks, Dr. Jay’s research offers some reassurance. Your child isn't broken or delayed or failing to launch. They're developing in ways that are common, expected, and ultimately productive—even when the process looks chaotic from the outside.
A Helpful Resource
At YPM, our team has extensive experience successfully guiding adolescents, young adults, and their families through the modern landscape of emerging adulthood. Spanning four continents, our work has helped hundreds of young people and their families navigate the unique challenges of the 20s with evidence-based support and realistic expectations.
Our highly skilled mentors understand that uncertainty and instability aren't problems to be solved but developmental realities to be navigated. We help young adults build the competencies, relationships, and perspectives that predict increasing well-being in the decades ahead—without adding shame or unrealistic pressure.
With our bespoke approach and discreet care, we can help your struggling loved one embrace their 20s as a time of growth and foundation-building rather than a time of expected perfection. Connect with us today to learn more about how we can provide developmentally appropriate support during this challenging but ultimately productive life stage.
Key Sources Cited:
This article is based on the work and writing of Dr. Meg Jay, a developmental clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia and author of The Twentysomething Treatment: A Revolutionary Remedy for an Uncertain Age.
2024 World Happiness Report on age and life satisfaction
2022 study on increasing well-being across decades of adulthood
2021 YouGov poll on expectations about peak life years
2024 survey of university presidents on mental health drivers
Pew Research Center data on young adult financial independence